Revolt on the 31st Floor - Transform and suck
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Owen
Date: 2007-07-04 20:51
Subject: Transform and suck
Security: Public
Well... I got to see that transformers movie.

Jesus fucking Christ on a pogo stick this movie sucked massive nasty rancid diseased donkey dick.



I never watched Transformers when it first aired in the US. By 1984 when the show began to air in the American market, I was a junior in high school and was no longer watching Saturday morning cartoons. In fact, this new wave of 80's cartoon/toy nostalgia is meaningless to me because I loathed the trend of making 30 minute toy line commercials in the guise of kids' animated programming, and I avoided them. Like Gargoyles and Dungeons & Dragons, I did not see any of these until after I was an adult, and they shows were so poorly written, so badly acted, so awful in every way, I could not, and still do not understand, their appeal, other than pure childhood nostalgia.

Not even my own nostalgia is immune to this: last year we bought a used copy of the first season of Superfriends, a show that I was entirely enamored with when it first aired, when I was watching Saturday morning cartoons, and I could not make it past episode one. Not even the camp factor of the show could sustain it. It, like the 80's cartoons, were just plain awful.

So my viewing of the new live action Transformers movie comes not with a heavy load of nostalgic baggage, like so many people I know, but entirely from an outside view. Having never seen much more than a few episodes, but familiar enough with the mythos to not be lost, I can, I think, give an honest opinion of the movie as just that: a movie.

It is absolutely awful: poorly written, badly acted (except for Shia LeBouf), with gaping wounds for plot holes you could ram Optimus Prime's metal cock through and still have room for his come-hitcher tractor trailer.

A two-and-a-half-hour military blowed up real good piece of junk. This movie is a terrible waste of time, money and resources.

I know it's probably expecting too much from a movie based on a line of toys, but could someone have applied some logic to this story, such as it is? I mean, the logic and intelligence gaps in this film are astoundingly gigantic.

The only decent thing about the movie are the giant robots themselves. Obviously, more money was spent on the robot special effects, the transformations and the design, than on writing, skill, plot, character development or, well, anything else except maybe explosives.

I definitely know it's asking too much of Michael Bay, the talentless hack who has such a boner for cars and blowing stuff up and who has spent his entire career gushing cars, tits and blowing shit up on screen and raking in millions doing so.

In the hands of anyone else, this might have been a decent flick. As it stands, it's only slightly better than Ghost Rider. Which, if I had to see over again, I'd kill myself first.

At 2 hours and 38 minutes, it's 2 hours and 8 minutes too long. The entire last hour is nothing but a continuous series of explosions, destruction and mayhem with no logic, no point and no intelligent thought behind any of it.

It reminded me of that episode of Robot Chicken, the one where Optimus Prime gets prostate cancer and dies, where they have the line "Yay! We defeated the Decepticons and only killed 50 humans in the process!" Only nobody really died except most of the Decepticons and one lonely Autobot, Jazz, who gets torn in half.



One of the worst movies I have ever seen.
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User: reb2
Date: 2007-07-05 04:06 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Anger
"Only nobody really died except most of the Decepticons and one lonely Autobot, Jazz, who gets torn in half."

Thanks for the fucking spoiler. I know you put this under a jump cut, but please keep in mind some of us have not had the time to see this film yet....and now you ruined a surprise for us who have yet to see it.

*dropped*
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Matthew Keller
User: mamoosh
Date: 2007-07-05 04:44 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
reb2 typed:

Thanks for the fucking spoiler. I know you put this under a jump cut, but please keep in mind some of us have not had the time to see this film yet....and now you ruined a surprise for us who have yet to see it.

*dropped*


Are you a sped? What kind of idiot clicks on a cut tag to a movie review and gets pissy when a plot point is revealed? New to this interweb thingy, are you?

Your indignation is baseless. You clicked on it, moron. What the hell did you think the cut tag was for? How much of a warning do you fucking need?

I'm seriously boggling here.
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User: reb2
Date: 2007-07-05 04:48 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Still...he should have warned there was a spoiler...a major spoiler in fact. The film was just fucking released. It's called common decency.
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Matthew Keller
User: mamoosh
Date: 2007-07-05 04:52 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
And you're called a whiny douchebag. Answer one question I asked: How much warning do you need? He put the spoiler under a cut tag and you clicked on it and read it. It's your fucking fault. And now you're pitching a public tantrum. Fucking infant.
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User: reb2
Date: 2007-07-05 04:52 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Oh blow it out of your ass
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Matthew Keller
User: mamoosh
Date: 2007-07-05 04:56 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I give you so much to work with, and this is all you can come up with. I'm disappointed.
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User: reb2
Date: 2007-07-05 05:13 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
and ignore
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Matthew Keller
User: mamoosh
Date: 2007-07-05 05:32 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You're posting to tell me that you're ignoring me?

"I'm ignoring you now! Don't bother responding, because I'm ignoring you!"

So now that I know you're ignoring me, let's get back to the original complaint, which you've done little to address. Owen posted a review of a film, addressed his dislike quite clearly, and then put the specifics behind a cut tag. You deliberately clicked on the link, read everything, pitched a fit here and in your own journal, and then defriended Owen, because you saw something you didn't like.

Can you see how people might be reluctant to remain on a friendly terms with you, what with the daunting amount of coddling you demand for them to do so?
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User: reb2
Date: 2007-07-05 05:36 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
For starters, it's my own damn journal, I paid for my subscription, I can friend and defriend anyone I fucking want to without explaining it to you or anyone, I have that freedom and right as do you mister, so lay off.

Second of all, I have zero tollerance for someone who pulls shit like this. Even if it was behind a cut, no where did it warn it contained spoilers. I have read MANY jumpcut reviews of things that were behind jumpcuts but never contained spoilers, and the ones that do usually warn you in advance that spoilers exist....it's called courtesy.

Third, it amuses me that you decided to pick this fight with me in someone else's thread. For someone pointing a finger at someone for being a drama basket, you are doing a classic example of being a drama stirrer.
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Matthew Keller
User: mamoosh
Date: 2007-07-05 05:39 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You're missing glaring irony here.
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User: reb2
Date: 2007-07-05 05:39 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Don't care
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Matthew Keller
User: mamoosh
Date: 2007-07-05 05:46 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You're also ignoring me.
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Matthew Keller
User: mamoosh
Date: 2007-07-05 04:56 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
And now you've screened my response to your pissy little outburst in your journal, just like I said you would. You're a brilliant piece of work, aren't you?
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User: reb2
Date: 2007-07-05 05:14 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I screen all comments from people who are not on my friends list...it's an option you can choose...asshole
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Matthew Keller
User: mamoosh
Date: 2007-07-05 05:21 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Yeah, now that I've read a few entries in your journal, I can see why you screen everything. Drama does seem to follow you, doesn't it? Ever wonder why? Perhaps it has to do with your very regular tantrums?

I also noticed that you're having trouble making friends. Related?
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User: reb2
Date: 2007-07-05 05:30 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
says the man who is trashing me in someone else's thread like an attention whore desperate bully.
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Matthew Keller
User: mamoosh
Date: 2007-07-05 05:36 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
This implies two things. One, that I have trouble making friends (I do not,) and two, that I'm trying to make friends with you (I am not.)

But we're not talking about me. We're talking about your problems making and keeping friends. Have you ever wondered why you have such trouble? (I mean outside of San Francisco, which coddles its misfits.)
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User: reb2
Date: 2007-07-05 05:39 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Honestly I could care less. It's my life, I live with the choices I make and the actions I commit and deal with the concequences on my own. I don't need you to point a finger at me and tell me how I need to live my life....so fuck off
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Matthew Keller
User: mamoosh
Date: 2007-07-05 05:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
How sad is it that my only friends are out of town out of state? Pathetic. I am really tired of having no friends, nothing to kill my boredom...I am tired of having no life.

It sounds like you do care. Please tell me what's wrong. Share.
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itchwoot
User: itchwoot
Date: 2007-07-05 06:28 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
If I thought a movie sucks massive donkey dick, I'd actually want to make sure I spoiled it for as many people as possible. :)
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Owen
User: bigbear4xl
Date: 2007-07-05 10:28 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You dropped me off your friends list because of that?
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JayBear
User: jaybear
Date: 2007-07-05 11:52 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You've *got* to be kidding... It was behind a cut...

*boggle*
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